Shooting Fish In A Bottle
by FanNotANerd
Summary: Of course you can put a fish in a bottle. Right?


Link positioned himself on the beach, threading a bee larva onto the coral hook. He quickly tested the wind, flicking the fishing line into the water with an expert flick. He waited for a moment, a finger placed lightly on the line, the picture of concentration.

Midna came up to his shoulder. "Don't you think you should-"

"Shh!"

"I mean, wouldn't it be easier if you just-"

"SHH!"

Grumbling quietly, Midna retreated, watching the hero of Hyrule fish in the wrong body of water. The lake with the Reekfish was actually right behind him.

After a few moments, Link noticed that he was actually fishing in a puddle. He took this in stride, performing a smart about-face, and cast his line into the correct lake.

Almost immediately, he had a bite. "Whoa!" he yelled, yanking on the rod to set the hook. After about thirty seconds of struggling, he lifted a 2ft 3 in Reekfish from the water, according to the voice that came out of nowhere.

Link watched the fish flop around on the ground for a moment, wondering what to do next. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out an empty bottle. He looked from the bottle, to the fish, and back to the bottle.

Finally, he seemed to arrive at a decision. He swung the bottle at the fish, the same way he would swing it to catch a fairy or collect some Chu Jelly. Unfortunately, this didn't work as planned, as the bottle simply smacked the unfortunate fish in the head, sending it flopping a couple feet away.

Link scowled and tried again, to the same result.

"Dammit, get in there!" he said after another failed attempt.

Swing. "Stupid fish!"

Swing. "Stupid bottle!"

Swing. "Stupid Midna!"

"Hey!" Midna yelled. "Don't bring me into this!"

"Sorry. Stupid fish!"

A nearby Zora poked its head out of the water. "Who're you callin' stupid, meatbag?"

Link gave it an odd look. "This fish. Who else?"

"Mind if I watch whatever you're doing?"

"Sure. Whatever." Link said curtly.

With that, he went back to swinging at the fish, who still refused to go into the bottle.

A couple more Zoras swam by. "Hey, check this out!" the first one said. "Some human's trying to do somethin' stupid with a fish!"

"Actually, I'm a Hylian," Link corrected, swinging again.

The other Zoras swam over, one muttering "Now this I gotta see."

Frustrated, Link took a much harder swing at the fish, sending it flying into the water, where it floated at the top.

One of the Zoras eyed it for a moment. "I think you killed it."

"Shut up. Nobody asked you," Link retorted, casting his line again. After landing another fish, he took no chances, grabbing it in both hands and trying to wedge it into the bottle.

Of course, it never occurred to him that a 2 ft 3 in fish couldn't possibly fit into a bottle that can hold maybe half a liter.

The poor fish writhed and wriggled in Link's hand as he attempted to push it further into the bottle. The Zoras began calling out suggestions.

"Try spitting on it! Saliva's good lubrication!"

"Maybe if you put it in tail-first…"

"Oh! I know! What if you filleted it?"

"Shut up!" Link yelled. A Hylian tour group walked by, taking in the falls.

"Now here, we have the typical fisherman," the tour guide droned. "This area is quite frequently fished for the elusive Reekfish, although only Zora can catch them. Moving on…"

"Wait!" one of the tourists said. "Isn't that a Reekfish?"

"Moving _on,_" the tour guide replied.

Nevertheless, a few of the tourists whipped out Picto Boxes and snapped pictures of the young hero attempting to cram a Reekfish into a bottle.

Link posed as necessary. As the last of the tourists passed, he went back to pushing on the fish. A few more Zoras appeared, drawn by Link's muffled cursing.

Midna nudged Link's shoulder. "Looks like you're attracting quite the audience," she pointed out.

"Shut up."

Link lost whatever shreds of patience he had left and started hammering the fish into the bottle with a rock. Unfortunately, he only succeeded in killing his second Reekfish of the day.

Link shook his head. Goddesses, that thing _stunk._ Reekfish were aptly named. _Damn,_ he thought,_ I could track this smell through a blizzard…_

He looked at the fish again. "Oh." _Duh._

Minutes later, he ran through the blizzard as a wolf, Midna on his back. "Why didn't you tell me I was doing it wrong?" he asked.

Midna chuckled. "It was just too funny."

Link snorted. "Made perfect sense at the time."

**This is actually based on something one of my friends did. When he caught the Reekfish, he was thinking about what you had to do in OoT, putting a fish in a bottle to get into a whale. As a result, he spent about twenty minutes swinging at this fish before noticing he had to smell it.**

**Oh yeah, and credit goes to LittleBlueNayru for the voice thing. If you don't get it, read her Fishing Failure Chronicles.**

**FN Nerd, out!**


End file.
